The Last Days of Us Read online

  Jolie’s eyes glow with amusement as she stands. ‘This will be fun.’

  I spot someone heading down the road towards us. A woman. ‘If you won’t get me another ice-cream I’ll just get it myself,’ she shouts over her shoulder.

  My hand covers my mouth to stifle a giggle.

  Jolie’s eyes widen.

  It couldn’t be . . .

  The woman who threatened us earlier comes into view. She’s still wearing her robe, and there’s a scowl on her face.

  Jolie swallows and shoots me a pleading look. Do I really have to?

  I nod.

  The woman gets closer. Finn’s shoulders begin to shake and he muffles his laughter with a pillow. Already? I try not to be annoyed. I mean, it is pretty funny that it’s the woman from earlier. As though she senses my annoyance—or maybe she’s had enough of him thinking everything is hysterical, too—Cass punches his arm and hisses at him to be quiet. I don’t dare look at Luc. He’s so not going to approve.

  Jolie steps out onto the road, stopping directly in the woman’s path. The woman looks at Jolie and keeps walking. It doesn’t appear that she’s going to stop. Or go around.

  The woman’s eyes narrow. Jolie plants her feet. The woman keeps coming. Jolie doesn’t flinch. I want to look away but I can’t.

  Just when collision seems inevitable, the woman stops. Glares.

  ‘Excuse me.’ Jolie looks up at her, all innocent eyes and blonde hair framing a heart-shaped angelic face.

  ‘What?’

  Jolie clasps her hands together and places them over her chest. Out of the corner of my eye I see Finn’s whole body convulsing in silent laughter. Now a giggle escapes from Cass. I force my expression to remain impassive, but my lips are twitching.

  And I still don’t dare look at Luc.

  Jolie flutters her eyelashes. ‘I feel we have a connection. I think I could learn so much from you.’

  The woman’s mouth gapes.

  ‘Could I have your phone number?’ Jolie says in a rush. ‘Please?’

  Seconds pass. The salty sea breeze whips the woman’s hair into her open mouth. My chest tightens.

  But then her eyes meet Jolie’s hopeful gaze. Irrepressible, sweet Jolie. And she softens. She pretty much melts into a gooey puddle there on the spot, and the anger she bristled with earlier is gone. She laughs. A warm sound that vibrates through her whole body.

  And Jolie laughs.

  And the woman shakes her head and walks on. But now there’s a smile on her lips.

  Jolie runs to her swag and collapses onto it, her whole body shaking with silent laughter. When she sits up there are tears streaked across her cheeks. ‘I can’t believe that actually happened. I thought she was going to squash me.’ She turns to her brother, throwing a lolly snake at his head. ‘Why aren’t you laughing?’

  I finally look at Luc.

  ‘I am laughing,’ he says, biting the head off the snake. ‘On the inside.’

  Cass, who’s actually put down her phone for once, is still laughing. ‘Me next. I choose dare.’

  Jolie takes over and within a few minutes Cass is cracking us up by attempting to update her Facebook status using only her toes.

  ‘Finn’s turn,’ declares Jolie once Cass has posted something incomprehensible and promised not to edit the entry.

  Cass opens her mouth to ask him but it’s Luc who speaks first. ‘Truth or dare, little cuz?’

  ‘Little?’ Finn bristles, but he’s smiling. ‘We’re the same age, remember. I think I could take you.’

  I can’t help making the comparison. Finn isn’t weedy, but I think he’d struggle to best his lean, muscular cousin in any show of strength. I’m surprised to hear that Luc is eighteen like Finn—he seems older, somehow.

  Luc doesn’t argue. ‘Truth or dare?’

  Finn settles back on his pillow and props his hands behind his head, being careful not to mess up his spiky hair. ‘Truth.’

  I can’t be sure, given the low light, but I think Luc’s eyes flick my way before he speaks. ‘When was your best kiss?’

  I freeze. He didn’t just ask that.

  Finn will say recently, with Cass. She’s his girlfriend, and she’s right here. And I so don’t want to hear it.

  I look down at the mintie wrapper I’ve shredded into white snow in my lap and chew on my lip. Just say it, Finn.

  But he doesn’t say anything. I sneak a glance at Luc. He’s acting all oblivious, with his messy hair and stubbled jaw, but he knows our past. He knows that he’s stirring up trouble. Suddenly, I realise that even worse than hearing my best friend’s name, would be the alternative. What if Finn says it was with me?

  I think back to our kisses. I’m no expert, but Finn seemed to enjoy them.

  I feel like a band has wrapped tight around my belly, making it churn.

  Why doesn’t he answer?

  I lift my head.

  Finn looks between Cass and me with sad eyes and then turns back to Luc. ‘On second thought, dare.’

  ‘I know,’ Jolie interrupts before Luc can ruin the night any further. ‘Stuff as many ice cubes as you can fit inside your mouth and sing the national anthem.’

  Some of the tension eases as we all laugh.

  ‘But I’ve forgotten most of the words,’ he argues.

  ‘Footy anthem then,’ she says.

  She slides the esky towards him as he straightens. One goes in. Then another. At four he starts to dribble and laugh at the same time.

  ‘Another,’ says Jolie.

  I think he’s about to refuse, but he looks at Luc and must see something in his cousin’s face, because he adds another. Now Finn’s cheeks bulge, and as he tries to breathe he coughs, sending one of the cubes into Cass’s lap.

  She squeals. ‘Yuck.’

  If anything it just makes him laugh more. He sings. Or at least he tries to.

  Jolie is laughing so hard she’s begging him both to stop and to keep going in consecutive breaths. By the end of it I can’t help grinning, both at Finn and at Jolie’s reaction.

  There are still drops of water dripping from Finn’s chin when Cass turns to me. ‘Zoey’s turn. Truth or dare?’

  ‘I have one,’ Finn says, all amusement gone from his face as he wipes his mouth. He pins me with hurt eyes. ‘What is your biggest regret?’

  I hesitate. ‘I was going to choose dare.’

  He shakes his head slowly.

  This is the moment. I know what he wants me to say, what he expects me to say, but I’m not going to lie. My biggest regret isn’t what happened with us, and I can’t say it is, no matter how much I want to get back together with him.

  I do regret staying out all night, night after night. I regret drinking myself into oblivion while ignoring their calls. I regret the way I scared everyone with my drinking and my disappearances.

  And I regret hurting Finn.

  But none of those are the biggest.

  ‘There was this morning,’ I begin, silently apologising to Finn. ‘My brother came around early with his son. Little Danny was only a few weeks old then and the idea was to give his mum a sleep-in. Or something.’

  Finn’s head drops like he’s bent double from a blow right in that spot that sucks the air from your lungs.

  But I can’t stop and I don’t look away. It’s like the rest of them disappear and it’s just the two of us. I think Finn was expecting this big apology, and confirmation of how important he is, how important we were, but that’s not what he’s getting.

  ‘Dan was looking for some help, and a free breakfast, and of course that’s what he got. Mum took Danny and went to cook her famous pancakes and Dan collapsed on the couch. It was warm and he was barefoot and I was right there doing my nails.’ I can’t help a small smile, although my throat is aching. Now that I’ve started, I can’t not finish. ‘What else could I do?’

  I lower my gaze, afraid of what I’ll see in the faces of those around me. Sympathy? Condemnation?

  ‘I prodded
him and when he didn’t move I carefully applied hot pink polish to each of his hairy toes. And then he woke up and he was horrified and he laughed and I took this photo.’ I clutch my phone to my chest. ‘I took this photo of his feet, but I didn’t . . .’

  The words don’t want to come. I take a shaky breath and force myself to finish. ‘It was the last photo I took of my brother and I didn’t even get his face in the shot.’

  I’m breathing hard. It’s all I can do to keep it together. I stare down at my phone and see the picture I didn’t take, and the regret is heavy and huge in my chest.

  Two thin arms wrap around my shoulders. It’s Jolie, and she’s sniffling into my hair.

  I hug her back, taking some strength from her narrow frame and her instant outpouring of understanding. Maybe I was wrong to label her as young. She gets it.

  I look to Finn but he’s not meeting my gaze. ‘Dan was a good guy,’ he mutters.

  Cass reaches out and squeezes my foot. I smile.

  Enough of me being put on the spot. I close my eyes, gather myself, and then turn to Luc. ‘Come on, your turn.’

  He makes a show of yawning. ‘It’s pretty late, and I’m not really into games.’

  ‘You chicken?’ asks Finn too loudly, and with an edge to his voice. He obviously didn’t appreciate being put on the spot by his cousin earlier.

  Luc shoots him a dark look. ‘No.’

  I clear my throat. ‘Truth or dare?’

  I’m sure he’ll choose dare, mainly because I know what I want to ask him if he chooses truth. It’s been bugging me all day. And I think ‘dare’ is on his lips, but before he can answer, Jolie butts in. ‘Luc isn’t the talking type. He’ll do a dare, or more likely he won’t, because it might disturb the peace.’

  ‘Truth,’ he counters.

  I’m surprised he let himself get played by his sister. He doesn’t seem the type to want to reveal anything.

  ‘Truth, then . . .’ I pretend to consider. The wind has picked up, but it’s not the warm breeze that has me pulling the sleeping bag around my shoulders. It’s my memories of Dan. It’s knowing I hurt Finn again, when that’s the last thing I wanted to do. It’s Luc, and the way he’s radiating annoyance at my question before I’ve even opened my mouth.

  ‘Why, exactly,’ I say, ‘are you so pissed off all the time?’

  His face closes in somehow. His jaw tightens. It’s like a wall slams up in front of him and he’s mounting his defences behind it, ready to attack.

  I swallow nervously. I really didn’t think the question would be that big a deal. I mean, we’ve all noticed his bad mood. But apparently I’ve gone and said the wrong thing again. I should be used to screwing up by now, but I kind of thought being sober would change things.

  Luc stands, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. There’s a hard gleam in his eye. He’s looking down at me. Looking down on me. ‘You barely know me. What makes you think you can judge my behaviour?’

  Ouch. I turn away.

  As I turn, I see Jolie give him a reproving kick in the shins before he storms off in the direction of the tent. She mumbles an apology before following him.

  Finn reaches out but stops short of actually touching me. ‘Don’t mind him. He has some stuff going on.’

  I force air out of my too-tight chest and try for a light tone. ‘Don’t we all.’

  I hear whispers from within the tent; Jolie’s voice carries. ‘It’s not her fault.’

  I roll over and pretend I’ve found something interesting on my phone. Not that it’s likely. I mean, the people I’ve been hanging out with lately aren’t exactly keep-in-touch types, and I burnt through most of my other friends months ago. Except Cass. And only because we’ve been friends for so long.

  Cass and Finn are curled up together, talking in low voices. They’re probably arguing about me too, but I don’t feel any sense of victory. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have come.

  Cass’s voice rises. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I don’t kiss and tell,’ Finn replies. ‘I’m not that kind of guy.’

  Their voices lower again, hers still sad, his comforting. I don’t blame her for being upset. He should have said she was his best kiss. I was sure he would.

  I pull my sleeping bag over my head, put my earbuds in and close my eyes. Gray’s mellow voice washes over me and I let myself get lost in his words.

  * * *

  I jerk awake sometime later, hoping my screams were only in my nightmare. While the actual dream is never the same, the fear is identical. Someone I know is always in trouble and I’m there, close enough to hear every cry for help, but I can’t do anything. Tonight the dream was about Jolie, but pretty much everyone I know has had a turn.

  It doesn’t take a psych degree, or a visit to one of the counsellors I’ve refused to see, to explain them.

  I feel helpless about what happened to Daniel every single day, but reliving it at night is just about doing my head in. Alcohol would help, but that has its own problems, and I’m determined to turn my life around.

  I breathe deeply, trying to steady my racing heart. My earbuds fell out at some point and my phone is flat, the black screen taunting me with its inability to provide distraction.

  I stand and plug my phone charger into the site’s power supply. Exercise sometimes does the trick, and that’s got to be better than sitting here replaying images of Jolie slumped unmoving on the shower stall floor, not responding to my call.

  Cass and Finn lie close together nearby, and despite her protestations it seems Jolie chose to sleep in the tent after all. Luc lays still and silent, like a guard dog, just outside the opening. While his dark shape is ominous, I can’t help pausing as I pass by the tent. It’s stupid, I know it was only a dream, but I don’t relax until I hear the regular breathing coming from inside.

  Jolie’s okay. It was just a dream.

  It’s not movement that alerts me so much as the lack of it. No deep, even breathing, no faint snores. I’m not surprised to see Luc’s dark eyes on me. Watching.

  His face is unreadable.

  The anger of before is gone as though it never happened. I don’t owe him an explanation, and yet I find myself whispering, ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’

  At first I don’t think he hears me. Too bad, because I’m not going to say it again. But then he nods. The slightest dip of his head.

  Before long I leave the campsite behind. Above me the sky yawns huge and dark with only a faint moon and a million stars to light it. I walk carefully barefoot on the unfamiliar track, sticking to the glow of the white sand and avoiding the dark patches that could hide grass or rock or litter.

  Once I reach the empty, salt-tinged shore, I run.

  I run until every breath is hot in my lungs and my legs are shaking and I let myself fall, unable to stay on my feet a moment longer. I let the breeze dry the salt on my cheeks and don’t care what is tears and what is sea spray.

  And then I run some more.

  By the time I get back to the campsite my feet ache and I’m ready to collapse. I settle into my swag, unable to miss Finn and Cass’s linked hands. Unable to miss the fact that I am alone.

  Luc rolls over. Our eyes meet across the campsite.

  Maybe not completely alone.

  He doesn’t say anything, but the last thing I see as I pull my sleeping bag up over my shoulder is him closing his eyes.

  Was he waiting up for me?

  CHAPTER

  5

  And I remember, I remember the sun. And I remember, I remember the fun. With you.

  ‘Remember’—GRAY

  I wake to another beautiful day on the coast. Thanks to my two am run, I managed to catch a little sleep and feel only mildly trashed. Mildly trashed is an improvement on the days of waking in my own vomit, so I rub my gritty eyes, splash my face with water and count it as a win.

  We scoff a breakfast of fruit tubs and lollies and leave early, stopping at a petrol station to fill
the van and get ice for the esky. It’s more than four hours’ drive to tonight’s stop, near Warrnambool. We’ll be in comparative luxury thanks to a friend of Luc and Jolie’s dad, who has arranged for us to use their holiday home.

  Cass said she saw it online and it’s awesome. I’m just relieved we’re getting it for free. Going off the rails wasn’t great for my finances. Once I started drinking I needed more and more alcohol to reach oblivion. And after I lost my job at the supermarket for missing too many shifts no-one was going to hire me to do anything.

  Not that I blamed them.

  Our first stop is the Blue Lake near Mount Gambier. I’m driving and Cass is next to me. Theoretically, she’s navigating, but she’s busy texting.

  ‘Weren’t you supposed to turn off back there?’ asks Luc from behind me.

  ‘Was I?’

  Like everyone else, he’s been pretending last night didn’t fall apart at the end. We’re happy little trip-mates and the tension is better ignored than faced in the bright light of morning. I’m just glad he hasn’t mentioned my little expedition in the early hours. I can only imagine what Finn and Cass would think if they knew—they’d probably assume I’d gone looking for a party or something.

  It seems that a lifetime of me being pretty tame has been completely eclipsed by a few brief months of partying. And these are my friends. The dread of going back to school next week rears up in my mind like a dragon made of whispers and innuendo, but I push it away.

  Cass is quick to bring up the map on her phone and a few seconds later I catch her sheepish nod out of the corner of my eye. ‘Yeah, you were supposed to turn at that sign. Sorry.’

  It takes a few minutes but I find a spot where it’s safe and turn the van around. Before long we’ve reached the parking bay, and I’m glad to see that it’s pretty much deserted. Parking isn’t something I’m great at, and attempting it in this lumbering thing with an audience? Disaster waiting to happen.

  With the van stopped well away from the few other vehicles, we pile out and I stretch my arms. The swag wasn’t uncomfortable, but it’s been a long time since I swam like I did yesterday, and my arms are feeling it.