The Last Days of Us Read online

  She leans on the back of my seat, her chin resting on her small hand. ‘He’s nicer than he seems, I promise. Dad said I couldn’t come without Luc because I’m only sixteen and he thinks I’m five. Hello, sheltered. So forgive him for being the grouchy big brother. Gray isn’t really his thing.’ Her hazel eyes flash. ‘But he’s definitely mine.’ She sighs dreamily and edges back to click on her belt as Luc starts the van.

  Cass’s phone rings before we’re out of her street. ‘It’s Mum,’ she says. ‘Everybody shush.’

  Finn mutters to Luc and he stops the car. Cass answers and we all sit in silence, trying to act like we’re not listening to her conversation, although in the small space of the van it’s impossible to do anything else.

  ‘We’re leaving now.’ She nods, despite her mum not being able to see. ‘Yes, I promise I’ll check in every day.’ And then, after a pause, ‘She’s right here.’

  Cass waves the phone at me.

  I call out obediently, ‘We’ll be careful and I’ll look after Cass.’

  The fact that this seems to work tells me Cass’s mother knows nothing about my recent behaviour.

  She flashes me a grateful grin and puts the phone back to her ear. ‘Love you, too.’

  It’s a contrast to when I left my place. Mum and Dad probably haven’t noticed I’m gone. I pretend to find interest outside the window, but catch Luc’s eye in the mirror. Great, just when I’m trying to act like I’m unaffected. I stare back, refusing to let him see that I’m upset.

  Thankfully the call is done a moment later and we manage to get back on the road without any more interruptions.

  We stop at a road house around nine for breakfast and everyone except Cass gets out to stretch their legs. ‘Can you get me a coffee if you’re going in?’ Cass asks without looking up from her phone.

  I share a look with Finn. Once that request would have been directed at me, but now they’re together I’m not sure.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ he says.

  Walking ahead of the others and rolling the kinks from my back, I try to act like I don’t care that I have no-one to get food for me. I use the rest room and then, wanting to avoid the others, I grab an oat bar and a Diet Coke. The boys are waiting for their hot food, laughing and joking, so I head back outside to sit at one of the picnic tables.

  Jolie joins me as Finn heads to where Cass waits in the van. I don’t turn as he walks past. Even if he still has feelings for me, he’s hardly going to sit here when he’s promised Cass a coffee.

  Or maybe they really are meant to be together.

  No. Finn and I were a great couple. Everyone said so. At one point we could finish each other’s sentences. He’d come around to family stuff. He was even my date to my brother’s wedding.

  My heart does its familiar cramp at the thought of Daniel, and an undertow of grief tugs at the normality I’ve been trying so hard to maintain.

  Not thinking about Dan is the only way to stay in control, but the images keep coming.

  The grin on his face two years ago when he sat us down at the kitchen table and said he had big news. With Shivani at his side, he announced they were getting married and expecting a child. We were all shocked at first, but it was impossible not to get caught up in their love and excitement as they planned their big day.

  Still, I could hardly believe the same person who’d leave sugar in my bed and water in my shoes was grown up enough for marriage and kids. But my doubts about Dan’s readiness were blown away when he stood in front of us all, so handsome in his suit, and promised himself to Shivani and the family they’d make together.

  A scrape of foot on concrete interrupts my bittersweet memories, and I hastily blink back tears. Luc swings a leg over the bench seat next to his sister and sits down. ‘Mind if I join you?’

  ‘Of course I mind, because you smell,’ Jolie is quick to reply, but there’s a smile on her face.

  He takes the teasing as permission and opens a paper bag. Steam escapes and he pulls out an egg and bacon pie that I swear is just about bigger than his head. Flakes of pastry scatter from the golden top and it smells so divine that my stomach makes a loud rumble.

  I scrape my feet loudly on the gravel for cover and silently beg my cheeks not to flame. Chances are, neither of them heard.

  Luc’s mouth twitches. Of course it freaking does.

  I practically inhale the oat bar, hoping it will settle my stomach.

  Across the table, Jolie picks at her apple muffin in thoughtful silence, more making a mess of crumbs than actually eating. Suddenly, she claps her hands together. ‘I know who you are.’

  My teeth grind together, but I don’t snap a response like I would if it was Luc talking. As much as I don’t want to hear another comment about breaking Finn’s heart, I don’t want to be mean to this girl either. There’s something warm and likeable about Jolie. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t so sweet and innocent at sixteen.

  I wait, sipping my drink and trying to look unconcerned.

  But rather than appearing disapproving, Jolie is grinning and elbowing her brother in the ribs. ‘You remember, Lucien, at that play thing we went to. She was Ariel.’ She leans forward and adds in a conspiratorial whisper, ‘Ariel has always been my favourite princess.’

  This time I can’t keep the heat from rising to my cheeks. I can’t bring myself to look at Luc. ‘You two were at that performance?’

  She nods. ‘We haven’t been to many of Finn’s shows but we couldn’t miss him playing Prince Eric.’ She sighs. ‘He’s my favourite prince, unless he’s my cousin and then he’s not attractive at all, but still awesome.’

  It’s strange to think of them watching me, more than a year ago, at the musical theatre camp production. Everything was so different then. Standing under the lights, singing with Finn, I’d never been happier. My whole family came to watch.

  Even Daniel.

  Suddenly I can’t breathe. I need to get away from these people and their polite conversation. ‘Glad you liked it,’ I mutter.

  I gather my rubbish and put it in the bin before detouring past the restroom again to splash cold water on my face. I study myself in the mirror, staring at the reflection of the girl I used to be until I can once again act like I’m not falling apart inside.

  Sometimes people ask me what I miss most about Dan. Usually I snarl or glare, or bail as fast as I can, but that doesn’t mean answers don’t explode in my brain. Impossible to ignore, but equally impossible to explain.

  It’s when I’m alone and I can’t sleep because of the nightmares that the answers ping pong around in my head. I miss his grin, the one I always said made him look dopey but actually made him look like the happiest person on the planet. I miss him punching me on the arm and holding me down to fart in my face and the way he let the school bullies know he had my back. Always. I miss the way the world was right with him in it. Our family was the way it was meant to be.

  I miss the person I was when I was Dan’s little sister. God, she had it easy. And she was happy. Happy in a stupidly content and didn’t realise how lucky she was way.

  By the time I get back to the van, new seating arrangements have been made. Cass is up the front with Finn, who’s driving, which leaves me to share the middle row with Luc. I climb in without a word, because complaining isn’t part of my plan to be easygoing Zoey, rather than off-the-rails-drunk-and-missing-until-morning Zoey.

  Luc leans back in his seat, somehow taking up way too much space, so I’m aware of the contours of his thigh and the point of his knee and his elbow. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with a more annoying elbow. Resting there between us, being all lean, brown and irritating.

  I breathe in, trying to relax, and get hit by his sunscreen and ocean scent. We haven’t even reached the beach yet, but it’s as if I can hear the waves in the distance. I find a mint and suck on it until the icy blast clears everything else from my senses.

  Finn starts the engine and pulls out onto the highway. At least we�
��re moving now. Every minute that passes brings us one minute closer to our next stop, and hopefully another change in seats. Finn ignores Jolie’s request to play her Gray collection, and instead directs Cass to find something on the radio. After a bit of fiddling she finds a familiar station, and as the latest tracks blare from the tinny speakers I begin to relax.

  Maybe sitting next to Luc won’t be so bad. I mean, he has no reason to talk to me. He’s made it clear he thinks I’m a bitch for what I did to Finn, so he’s probably as happy as I am to pretend we’re not seated together.

  The songs keep coming and time passes. I’m checking my phone when Luc shifts in his seat and decides to shatter this civil-silence truce we have going on.

  ‘Why Gray?’ he asks, low enough that there can be no mistake he’s talking to me.

  I blink. I don’t know what I’d expected but it wasn’t this. ‘If you want to know why we’re going, why don’t you ask your sister?’

  He twists and glances back at Jolie. She’s half lying across the back of the van. Her headphones are in and she’s glued to whoever she’s chatting with on her tablet. She’s been online since we left the city hours ago. I swear the girl must have no data limit and a million friends.

  When he turns back he catches me looking at him.

  I hold his gaze for a few seconds, ignoring the funny things it does to my insides.

  ‘I have asked Jolie,’ he continues. ‘I know why this trip matters to her, but I want to know why seeing Gray is important enough to you to spend your last week of holidays travelling across the country with your ex and his new girlfriend.’

  The truth nearly spills free in a gush—how Gray’s music and lyrics spoke to me when the rest of the world didn’t make any sense. But it’s too stupid to say aloud. Too real. And then there’s the small matter of my hope that Finn won’t be my ex for much longer.

  I think Luc sees some of what I’m not saying, in my hesitation, in my struggle to find the right thing to say. Stuff I don’t want on display because it shakes the illusion of normality that I’m trying so damn hard to maintain. I force a carefree grin. ‘Because Gray is, like, super-hot. Duh.’

  I don’t look at Luc. Instead, I angle my body away from him and stare out the dirty window at the endless plains, something I should have done in the first place. Because I don’t want to see the disappointment in his face at my shallow response. Or worse—a complete lack of surprise.

  ‘It’s all a load, you know that, don’t you?’ he says.

  This guy really doesn’t get body language. I should ignore him, but I can’t help it. I turn, and then feel like an idiot. He’s not even looking my way. ‘What?’

  ‘Gray. The guy is nothing more than a product. Same as any other manufactured pop star, except they’ve made him moody, like suffering is a badge of honour. He’s just some kid they’ve made into a star. Is he even eighteen?’

  I don’t argue, despite knowing Gray’s tragic past. Despite having seen and read him interviewed so many times, despite knowing he writes his own music and started gigging in pubs underage and has refused to sign with a big label to avoid losing control. Sharing that with Luc would only reveal how much I know about Gray. Instead, I ask, ‘Why do you care?’

  ‘I don’t.’ Now he’s staring out the window, gazing at the quaint cottages lining the road like he’s never seen anything more fascinating.

  Conversation over. Just what I wanted.

  * * *

  ‘Go back!’

  Jolie’s shout wakes me. I straighten and quickly wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. Please let me not have drooled or snored or anything else embarrassing while I slept next to Luc.

  I . . . slept. Without dreaming.

  I don’t have time to ponder the ease with which I found oblivion, because Jolie’s shouting again.

  ‘Seriously, Finn, you have to turn around. If you do, I promise you’ll be my favourite cousin forever.’

  I glance at Luc, but he doesn’t appear to have noticed I was asleep. He’s turned to interrogate his little sister, one arm draped across the top of the cracked vinyl. ‘Why do we have to go back?’

  Finn stops the van in a clearing on the side of the road and turns, waiting for her response.

  Jolie flips her phone around to show us a picture. ‘Because we have to see this.’

  This appears to be a giant crab or something.

  ‘No,’ says Luc, with a sigh. ‘We don’t. We’re already past it, and turning around means we won’t get to Robe and the campsite until well after lunch.’

  ‘And then the grandma in you will explode,’ she retorts.

  ‘Jolie . . .’ There’s warning in his tone.

  I fight a smile at her complete lack of repentance. ‘How far are we talking?’ I ask.

  Finn checks the map app on his phone. ‘Maybe half an hour.’

  ‘Please, Luc.’ Jolie changes tack, her voice softening. ‘I’ve always wanted to see it.’

  They share a look that is so personal I have to look away.

  ‘Always?’ Luc queries gruffly. I sense the defeat in him. As annoying as he is, it’s hard to hate someone who’s such a softie for their little sister.

  ‘Always,’ she says firmly.

  ‘So we’re going?’ Finn looks to Luc.

  Cass’s head comes up, apparently unaware until now we’d even stopped. ‘Going where?’

  Luc answers, ‘To see the famous tourist attraction of the Big Lobster.’

  Jolie manages not to gloat, instead straining to see out the window as Finn turns the van around.

  ‘And Jolie,’ Finn says, as he accelerates back the way we came, ‘I do know I’m your only cousin.’

  Jolie has the grace to blush, but then she launches into a spiel listing everything she knows about the giant crustacean. The history of a lame tourist attraction shouldn’t be entertaining, but her excitement is so contagious, it’s hard not to cheer when the sign comes into view.

  Even Luc smiles.

  We all get out and take selfies with the faded red sea creature. Cass asks Finn to take a pic of her and me to send to her mum. He offers to take one with my phone too, but I shake my head. It’s not like I have anyone waiting for updates.

  Once the pictures are done I wander back towards the van rather than getting any of the tacky souvenirs that Jolie is agonising over.

  ‘Mum says we’re looking good,’ Cass calls.

  ‘Great,’ I reply. Of course she got a message back almost instantly.

  My mum and I used to be like that too. I quash memories of painting nails and gym workouts together. When I mentioned this trip to my parents I expected lectures and arguments, but they agreed without a fuss. There was no comment on my change of hair or clothes or anything. It’s like I don’t even exist anymore.

  Something bumps my arm. Luc. He stops next to me.

  ‘Have a nice nap?’ he asks. Aviator sunglasses shield his eyes, but there’s amusement in his voice.

  ‘Yes, actually.’

  He makes a show of rolling his shoulder as though he has aching muscles. ‘I thought my arm was going to go numb.’

  It takes a moment and then I get his meaning. ‘I didn’t sleep on your shoulder.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  I think back. I know I slept more comfortably than I have in months, but I don’t remember leaning on Luc. Surely I’d remember that. But I can’t be sure, and he knows it. As I turn my back I think I hear him chuckling at my flushed cheeks. He’d better enjoy this laugh at my expense, because it won’t happen again.

  CHAPTER

  3

  Another step, but you are looking back. That’s why you can’t see me here. I’m waiting.

  ‘Moving’—GRAY

  The low sun stains the horizon pink behind me as I leave the cool water and head up the sand to my towel. I’m the last one out of the ocean. If it wasn’t for my imagination seeing dark shapes in every deep shadow, I wouldn’t have left it at all. I think the fear come
s from Dan swimming underwater and grabbing my foot as a kid—he loved doing that.

  We arrived in Robe long after lunch, just as Luc predicted, but that still gave us plenty of time to check in and then head to the beach.

  There’s a bounce in my step as I approach the others. I’d forgotten how much I love the water. My arms have that good ache I get from pulling myself through the waves, and I’m relaxed as I squeeze the water from my hair and wrap my towel around my shoulders. It’s not that I’m putting on a show, exactly, but I can’t help scanning to see if Finn’s looking.

  He’s not. He’s laughing at something, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. Knowing Finn, it probably wasn’t even all that funny. I shake off the thought. No guy is perfect, and if Finn finds life funny that’s just his positive attitude spilling over. Something I wish I could feel myself.

  Luc is watching me though. His dark eyes are a warm brown in the reflected light of the evening sun and he’s smirking. It’s not the expression of a guy struck by my bikini-clad body. Did he see me looking at Finn?

  So what if he did? I lift my chin and my eyebrows because, well, for all his amusement he was kind of checking me out. He turns to Jolie as if he hasn’t noticed. I take it as a victory; he looked away first.

  It’s not like I plan to check out Luc’s body. It’s more a case of not having a choice. Once my gaze catches on those tanned abs it’s hard not to complete the study. Wide shoulders? Tick. Defined abs? Tick. But it’s the dips and hollows at his hips, the wide v of muscle revealed by his low-slung board shorts, that make my fingers curl into my palms in an effort not to reach out and touch.

  Instead, I flop down next to Cass on the sand. She turns and smiles, oblivious to my turmoil, and then returns her focus to the conversation. I’ve arrived at the right time because they seem to be talking dinner.

  ‘I vote fish and chips,’ says Finn.

  Cass screws up her nose in distaste. ‘That’s so fattening.’

  He falls right into her trap. ‘But you don’t need to worry about that. You’re beautiful whatever you eat.’