What I Saw Page 12

  ‘You’re the one who changed,’ he says again.

  I thought Timmy was different. Unlike the others, when I passed him in the hallways he never went out of his way to shoulder charge me or knock my books from my hands. When we met in the street he didn’t pretend I didn’t exist.

  ‘You showed your allegiance last night.’

  And it hurt.

  ‘I didn’t have a choice,’ he argues.

  ‘Bullshit.’

  I head away from him, towards the jetty. I don’t want to hear more stumbling excuses explaining why he had to side with Sean. I keep moving. I’m here to find Callie.

  In the distance, people are laughing and joking around the fire. Couples slow dance, make out, fight. Nearby, the waves roll out on the sand with a tumble and a splash, over and over.

  I don’t look back at Timmy, but I imagine him standing by the water for a long moment, looking after me.

  Fifteen minutes later I still haven’t found Callie. Or Scarlett.

  I’m on my second pass by the fire, on my way back to the creek and home, when I hear two girls talking.

  ‘I wouldn’t go to the dunes with Jonny. Cute or not, he’s a player.’

  ‘He’s a creep,’ the other agrees. ‘His supposed girlfriend needs a wake-up call.’

  Something grabs at my gut and twists. Callie’s here with her boyfriend. Not sure how he could have slipped my mind when she so conveniently brought him up right when her eyes were begging me to kiss her.

  My feet head towards the darkness of the dunes, right in the direction the girls were staring with such scorn. I’m with them. I don’t see the appeal. Jonny’s a pig, just like Hayden Chapman, he just hides it better. Back when I played footy he got by on being bigger than the rest of us. Bet he’s not as brave now that we’re the same size.

  He’s nowhere near good enough for a girl like Callie. She’s smarter than that.

  Hoping he’s with some other girl he’s conned, and not Callie, I climb the rise in the sand, scanning the darkness.

  ‘Hey, big brother.’

  It’s Scarlett. She’s alone. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Couldn’t miss the social event of the year.’ She falls into step alongside me. ‘I thought I might hear word of Hayden.’

  I’m distracted by the sight of a couple ahead, two silhouettes in the darkness. A tall guy—tall enough to be Jonny—and a girl … She falls back on the dunes, wobbly legs revealing her drunken state. My gut recognises every curve and, as my eyes adjust, every stray strand of hair. It’s Callie. It has to be.

  ‘Gone back to her boyfriend,’ Scarlett whispers. ‘There goes our chance.’

  But I can’t respond. The guy sits beside Callie offers her a bottle. She waves him away, flopping onto her back. There’s a glimpse of white fabric and bare flesh. Her underwear.

  He reaches out. His hand touches the bare skin of her knee. I can’t stop watching. He leans over, getting closer and closer. Soon there’s no gap between them.

  Push him away.

  But she doesn’t hear my silent plea. I turn my face away and force my heavy legs to move. I have to be anywhere but here. My hands curl into useless fists in my pockets.

  I have to be the world’s biggest dumbass.

  Here I am, all excited about my stupid plan to convince her to tell the truth, when all she wanted was a private session with her boyfriend. As if someone like Callie Jones could ever be charmed by someone like me.

  Leaving my sister behind, I take the path up towards the creek, unable to see past the red mist in front of my eyes. My legs pump, trying to get me away from the scene on the dunes, but my brain isn’t so kind. Again and again it replays in my head, her rolling over and that flash of her underwear. I groan and run harder.

  Fuck her.

  Fuck them all.

  My feet slide on the rocks on my way back up the trail. Pebbles scatter back down the valley behind me. I slip, but manage to grab hold of the rocks. My heart hammers. I keep going.

  I’m a fool.

  Mistaking that girl for anything other than an up-herself Ice Princess was beyond stupid.

  My fingers rip on the rocks. I keep going. When I reach the top, my breath comes in harsh gasps that drown out the now-distant waves. I stop and look back. It’s a long way down to the where the fire blazes. The flames flicker and shadows move around, oblivious to the ache inside me.

  She’s doing exactly what I told her to do.

  And I need to do the same. Move on and plan for what’s going to happen on Monday. Forget she ever lingered at my house, smelling so good and hinting that she might do the right thing.

  I focus on the rocks and what passes for a trail along this section of the creek. Unlike the road by the beach, there are no charming street lights here, and the faint streaks of orange over the distant sea do nothing to light the way. Closer to home, fluorescent lights from the warehouses and factories give a green glow to the water but here it’s almost black.

  My thoughts are churning and it’s all I can do to make sure each foot is stable before I land the next one. I’m in no mood to admire the scenery.

  But I stop at the sound of a splash in the creek.

  The noise is tiny, but out of place. I peer into the darkness. It’s probably an animal, most likely a stray dog. Still, I stand there on the water’s edge and scan the surrounds. Where’s the moonlight when I need it?

  I slow my breathing, and try to listen past the thud of my blood in my ears. I’m about to turn away when there’s another splash. And was that a muffled cry?

  I take a few steps back along the trail, where the water is roughest, just before the old fishing pools and the drop to the beach below.

  I should go home. Whatever it is will only get me in more trouble. But as usual I ignore my common sense and climb down the rocks to where I think the noise came from.

  I freeze.

  There. A darker black patch moving out of time with the flow of the water.

  A body.

  I’m wading in and throwing my jacket back onto dry land before I can think about the cold, swirling water and the sharp rocks and whether the person even wants my help. I suck in air as the water soaks through my jeans and has me shrinking in all kinds of uncomfortable places. My sneakers slip on the slimy, rocky creek floor. They’ll be trashed after this.

  I lose my footing and the dark water rises above my waist. There goes my white shirt. Lucky Callie isn’t going to see me tonight anyway.

  And then I reach the shape. Dark jacket, head facedown, expensive white sneakers. I have no reason to believe there’s anything beyond this life but still I pray to whatever brought me here as I turn the body over. Recognition sends a shudder through my bones. Sean Jones.

  Callie’s little brother.

  Holy shit.

  His eyes open.

  I exhale a ragged breath. Thank the gods. He clutches at my arm and tries to pull himself up.

  ‘My head,’ he groans.

  I see a gash dripping blood, and even in the darkness there’s an unfocused look to his eyes. Thanks to his thick jacket he’s incredibly heavy, but it’s not deep here—barely above chest height for me, and he’s taller.

  ‘Put your feet on the bottom,’ I order. ‘Help me, for fuck’s sake.’

  I try to support him as he straightens and scrambles but his head has a strange tilt.

  ‘Can’t.’ Abruptly his legs go out from under him and he takes another dunk in the murky water. I heave him up and he splutters, spraying my face with water, the stench of beer on his breath.

  Great. He’s drunk and injured. I’ll have to drag him out. If I don’t, they’ll probably pin me for this as well as Hayden.

  ‘I should leave you here,’ I mutter as I begin to drag him towards the rocks.

  I figure he’s not listening, but then he moans, ‘Please help me.’

  I bite back a comment.

  A minute later, we’re both on dry land. I lie back on the patchy gra
ss, ignoring the sharp stones digging through the thin material of my shirt. Each breath hurts and every muscle in me aches from the battle to get his hulking weight out of the water.

  Sean coughs, then rolls over away from me and vomits. Vomits until he’s bringing up nothing but sobs. I make a mental comparison with Callie outside the dance and want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Except that it isn’t funny.

  His arms go around his knees and he sits in silence while I wring the water from my shirt and do what I can for my runners. Which isn’t much. They’re my only pair and I’ll have to hope they dry out okay because I can’t afford new ones.

  ‘Thank you,’ he says eventually.

  I turn towards him to see if there’s any genuine gratitude in his face but he’s focused on the creek. ‘What were you trying to do?’ I ask. ‘Kill yourself?’

  His head snaps around and I see from the grimace that the movement sends pain through him. ‘No.’

  ‘Then what?’

  He looks away. ‘I fell.’

  ‘Good.’ I guess. ‘It’s not really my problem except that now my shoes are trashed and I’m soaked through.’

  ‘I didn’t ask for your help.’

  I consider shoving him back in but it would take more energy than I have. I point out the obvious instead. ‘That would be because you were too busy drowning. What happened?’

  He grunts. ‘I needed to think. To get away … from all of it.’

  ‘In the bottom of the creek?’

  His head touches his knees. ‘Like you’ve never made a mistake.’

  ‘I’ve made plenty. But I don’t try to analyse them after drinking myself blind, in water deep enough to drown in.’

  He doesn’t respond.

  Then it hits me. Callie might be too busy screwing around with her boyfriend to notice my charm, but I have the chance to appeal directly to Sean’s better nature. Assuming he has one.

  I pick up a rock and pitch it into the water. Sean looks up at the splash. ‘Feeling bad, were you? Wishing you’d told the truth last night?’

  He looks at me and his eyes narrow to slits, as though for a moment he’d forgotten who rescued him from the water, and the stake I have in his problems. He remembers now.

  ‘Must be hard,’ I continue, trying to sound sympathetic. ‘The guilt. Every time you hear his name, you must remember the feel of his face crunching under your fist.’

  His mouth moves but he says nothing.

  ‘Did you see his eyes roll back in his head? Was there a nanosecond when they met yours and he realised it was you who hit him?’ I pause and let my words sink in. ‘What are you more scared of, I wonder? Is it that he might never wake up … or that he will? I’m not sure he’ll want to share girls with you behind the art centre after this.’

  ‘It wasn’t like that.’

  ‘You forget, I was there. I didn’t realise the school’s star footballers were so hard up for a lay.’ I try to keep my tone level and ignore the fact that it was my sister he was going to assault. Right now it’s hard to imagine him seeing it through. Up close, he’s just a kid. Maybe I’m letting Callie’s view of her brother colour my thinking, but I can’t help it.

  ‘I didn’t …’ He sighs and drags his hands hard over his face, like he’s trying to rub the memory away. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’

  ‘You weren’t.’ I’m trying to be agreeable here. Part of me still wants to pound him, but mostly I’m staying in control. All those counselling sessions have been worth something after all. Making him defensive won’t get him to confess the truth. Not that I have any idea what will.

  ‘But I bet you’ve been thinking since.’ I lower my voice. ‘About what will happen when everyone finds out what you’ve done.’

  He clambers to his feet. ‘They won’t.’

  I rise more slowly. ‘You’re sure about that?’

  ‘You have a rep for this kind of thing. Everyone knows it.’ His words slur into each other and it looks like speaking hurts him. ‘Timmy backed me up in front of Ando. I’m going to be fine.’

  ‘If that’s what you think.’ I shrug. ‘What do I know?’

  I stare at him for a long moment before turning my back and continuing along the path towards home. Every part of me is focused on the boy behind me. He has to follow.

  Seconds go by and I’m calling myself all kinds of stupid for blowing my chance when I hear the thud of his feet on the path behind me. His hand comes down heavy on my shoulder and he forces me to turn.

  ‘It’s Callie, isn’t it?’ His hands are fists. ‘You think she’s going to tell. Her stupid conscience has messed with her.’

  ‘Your sister is a good person.’ The line comes more easily than I would have thought after seeing her at the beach.

  Sean’s gaze sweeps my face like he’s looking for my secrets. ‘You’ve spoken to her, haven’t you?’ He shakes his head. ‘Stupid bitch.’

  Suddenly my hand is at his throat. ‘Watch it.’

  My fingers itch to tighten, but I resist. It takes all the strength inside me not to crush the little nosebleed. But Callie would kill me if I hurt her precious baby brother, and for some lame reason, I care. Somehow, I force the beast inside me back into its flimsy cage.

  The coward must see the decision in my eyes. He shoves me hard in the chest and I let him. I stumble backwards a few steps. Where did that protectiveness even come from? I’m supposed to be pissed with the girl.

  ‘Like that is it?’ Sean mutters. His hand rubs at his throat but I know I didn’t press hard enough to hurt him. ‘You two have a thing.’

  ‘There’s nothing between me and your sister.’ Even though I wish there was. But I’m not about to share that with Sean. ‘But if you had a little more respect for women you wouldn’t be here and Hayden wouldn’t be in hospital.’

  ‘It’s too late.’

  ‘It’s not. You could tell the truth, and I’d confirm that it was an accident. You owe me. I saved your life back there.’

  ‘I can’t own up. They’d kick me off the team. I can’t let that happen.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Playing football is my only chance. It’s the only thing I’m good at. Without football …’ His voice fades, like he’s struggling to describe an unimaginable fate.

  ‘Without football, you go to class and then you go home to your nice house in your nice neighbourhood where your folks put food on the table every night. Sounds awful.’

  ‘You have no idea.’

  ‘No. You’re the one who has no clue. My mum and my sister need me. Your dreams are not worth the destruction of my family.’

  He looks away. ‘Not to you maybe.’

  The breath whooshes out my lungs. I’m not going to change his mind. Guilt might have been enough to drive him from the bonfire, but it’s not enough to make him throw his life away.

  The flicker of hope hurts as it goes out. This time when I walk away, I know he won’t follow. My steps are heavy and the wind through my wet clothes makes me shiver.

  I’m almost around the bend when he calls out, ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Not as sorry as me.’

  CHAPTER

  11

  Callie

  I am nowhere near drunk enough for this.

  Jonny collapses beside me. His hand slides from my calf to my knee. ‘I’ve missed you.’ His breath is on my face, full of beer and want and expectation.

  My head spins, but not because of the beer and a half I’ve managed to sip while trying to convince myself that this is where I want to be. I let the heaviness of my brain topple me backwards onto the sand, away from my boyfriend’s clammy touch. The grains are cold and damp beneath the thin material of my dress.

  I inhale the scent of seaweed, and smoke from the fire, and try to focus on Jonny. It shouldn’t be this hard, but I don’t think there’s enough alcohol on this beach to drown out my thoughts of Rhett Barker. My life would be a crapload easier if I could just forget everything about him.

 
I shift away from Jonny but the move gives me only a second’s breathing space. He follows like I meant it as an invitation. His floppy hair covers one eye as he moves back over me.

  My hands go to his chest. I push.

  ‘The stars,’ I say quickly, pointing up and behind him. ‘Don’t you think they’re pretty?’ My hand lingers on him to soften the blow of my avoidance, although he’s so drunk he probably hasn’t noticed.

  He doesn’t even glance up. ‘Not as pretty as you.’

  The line is smooth and slurred and it sounds like something he’s said a million times before.

  I don’t know whether it’s thoughts of Rhett or the way I’m stressing about Sean or the fact that I might gag if Jonny tries to kiss me again, but suddenly the topic I wanted to avoid is all I want to talk about. Bree might have been pissed with me back at the hospital but I would bet she didn’t invent the rumours, she just kept them from me in some twisted attempt to spare my feelings.

  ‘How’s uni?’ I begin.

  Jonny blinks. ‘I can think of better things to do than talk, baby.’

  I sit up, nearly cracking his head with mine. I smile sweetly. ‘I can’t.’

  His frown of confusion would be funny if I felt remotely capable of amusement. ‘What’s all this about?’

  ‘Are there other girls?’

  The hand about to caress my cheek drops to his side. ‘It’s co-ed there, yes.’

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  His mouth turns bullish. ‘What have you heard?’

  My eyes close. The stab of pain in my chest isn’t the heartbreak I would have imagined. It’s embarrassment that I’ve been played, and that everyone knew. It’s betrayal. When I open my eyes, Jonny’s frowning, like he feels bad. So he should.

  I stand and look down on him. Some of the permanent worry that’s been tightening my lungs is gone, and I can breathe easier. ‘I trusted you. Why bother to pretend?’

  He picks up his beer and licks at the last few drops. ‘I didn’t want to mess up what we had.’

  ‘Other than by screwing around?’

  ‘You don’t understand what it’s like there. I wanted to fit in.’

  ‘You can fit in all you like now. We’re through.’